On your mark, get set...

As I sit down to write this entry, there's officially 138:21:56:09 left until I take to the streets and drag my sorry ass 26.2 miles around Chicago. The goal? To make my ass not quite as sorry...

Welcome to the first official day of training!!

I've chosen a 20-week program, and if you do the math, that means today is the first day I'm "officially" training for the race. That being said, I've spent a good amount of time in the last few months making sure I run a few times a week - sometimes twenty or more miles in a week's time - so that I could be ready to train and improve. To date, my longest run has been somewhere between 8 and 9 miles, and in general, I keep a pretty steady pace between 10:45-11:30 min/mile. I consider this my baseline and hope to improve a bit from there.

The program I chose has two short runs weekly (Mon, Wed), a long run (Sat), and cross training/rest days. As far as the schedule goes, I won't be beating my personal best until week 6 when I run 9 miles. I feel like I've done a nice job preparing to train... which seems ironic, but necessary, I think!

Today is a big "beginning" for me, and it's making me a little nostalgic. Last week, I started to think about where I've come from. Sure, the past few years have been wrought with some exercise and weight loss ups and downs, but overall the big picture has been one of success.

I remember the day - four years ago - when I was at the gym, trying to get in shape and lose some weight, and I was able to run an entire mile on the treadmill without stopping. It was momentous for me. At >200lbs, running a mile without stopping is a big deal. I distinctly remember the feeling when I finished. I was so proud of myself, but I knew that this meant something big for me: I could never again let myself wimp out and run any less. Now look at where I am. Thinner, healthier, happier, more physically fit, and training for a marathon.

Positive attitude, hard work, small steps, confidence ---> success.

138:21:35:26

......GO!

Breaking the Silence

I'm very sad to say that my blog has lain dormant for almost two months. But what I find even more disheartening is that this silence is a direct reflection of myself over that same time period. Starting sometime in mid-March, I seemed to start falling apart at the seams. I somehow found myself smoldering personal crisis that quickly advanced to a fire I could not figure out how to control. Upon reflection, I've seen times like this previously; I often find myself constantly charging ahead and then one day, and inevitable snap occurs. I might be down on my luck or even borderline depressive for a few days or a week, but I've always been able to pull myself up and get back to business. But somehow, this time, I was lacking that personal strength. What began it all? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to pinpoint where the downfall started. One too many failed dates? Homesickness? The stress of work? Or better yet, letting my job take hold of my life? No doubt the terribly cool and dank spring has contributed to my gloominess.

Work owned me for a while. Not just in the sense that I work a lot... boohoo. Lots of people do. It was more what I was doing and the things I was seeing. I feel like I just found myself caught in a rut of horribly depressing situations, and despite all my best efforts, I couldn't change things for people. And while I see this similar set up almost everyday, it's often the exception, not the rule. For the most part, I can make some positive change in people's lives. But when you go to work day in and day out for six weeks and feel like you're pouring everything you have into your job and it all somehow ends up for naught... it catches up with you. And once my psyche started circling the drain, it was a fast and furious spiral down.

It also quickly became apparent that old habits die (very) hard. As the stress and sadness mounted in me, I quickly returned to stress eating, and almost pathologically. And as I saw myself slowly undoing the success I had worked so hard to achieve, I was mortified at myself... and so the vicious cycle spun.

I think we all see times in our lives where we find ourselves down and can't seem to pinpoint how we got there. I really believe this to be the natural course of things. I find it so frustrating that no matter how much mental power I put into the search I can't seem to hone in on what started things for me... nor why this time, it was so prolonged. I'm beginning to feel that a clear cut answer likely doesn't exist. While I'd love this knowledge to use for prevention's sake, I'm not sure it's worth wasting my energy looking back, when instead, I can look forward.

So... time for change. I have my friends and family to thank for helping to steer me back onto the path where I belong. After a very, very difficult six weeks, I took a break from things. Forgot about work for a while. Reset myself. And upon my return, I found the energy and drive that usually fuel my life. I had a shitty six weeks. What of it? So I gained some weight... I lost it before, I'll lose it again. And I learned something about myself - how easy it is to slip in my eating habits and how detrimental that can be. Now I need to figure out how to handle truly hard times without turning to my previous comfort.

I need to view this all as empowering. It's funny... when I began this blog, I wanted to catalog my training for the marathon, but instead, I am chronicling my journey. I'm not perfect. No one is. But it's recognizing our weaknesses and capitalizing on our strengths that will lead to success. I am a smart cookie. I'm determined, I'm an honest person, and I have a good heart. I face the day and give it the best I can... because that's how I roll and I won't forget it. The silence is over.









Watch out world... Amy is back.

A (Wo)Man with a Plan

I remember that in grade school, one of my teachers had a quote on the wall: "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." A touch cheesy, perhaps, but a point well taken. That quote has always stuck with me.

So... let's prepare. Successful marathoners have to train to build up their endurance and prepare themselves both physically and mentally for the big event. And by the way, that big event is officially 210 days away... not that I'm counting.

I have hemmed and hawed over whether or not I could potentially run the entire race. Truth be told, if I trained correctly, I probably could. But I've done some research and a little soul searching, and I've decided to stick to the structured "run-walk" plan for multiple reasons.

(1) Reduced risk of injury. Now this doesn't take my risk to zero, but I've got a LOT of emotional, mental, and eventually physical preparation going into this. This past year, I saw multiple people who came in with stress fractures or other various injuries that prevented their participation in the marathon and instantly made their months of training absolutely fruitless. I do NOT want this to be me. I want to complete my first marathon in a healthy, safe fashion, and I want to be sure I see that finish line.

(2) Walking is a must. Even if I planned to try to run the whole event, there has to be some walking in there. Breaks are essential to success. And I know I can be stubborn and driven, and I think the worst thing I can do is get excited on the day of, push myself too hard on the first half of the race and not take necessary breaks, and then peter out on the final leg. I want to be as steady and consistent as possible.

(3) A better time? If I can stay consistent, and allow my body the rest periods I need, I think it will overall improve my time. At first, I laughed at this idea - walking is slower than running, right? But little walk breaks allow me to keep an even better running pace. And, with Angie and Kev by my side, we can all push each other to keep a strong pace while walking or running. Strength in numbers!

Those are the big thoughts I've had. So I hit the internet and started to do some research. There are a few highly regarded walk/run programs out there, but I've ultimately settled on a plan written by Jenny Hadfield. For some reason, I liked this set-up the best and thought it fit me the best out of all the programs I read. I also really liked the fact that this was the only program I saw that was designed by a woman. Plus, she's from Chicago... that has to be a sign, right? Should you care to, you can find the program we're using here.

I've already laid out my schedule (no surprise there), and my official training begins on Monday, May 23rd. Of course, I need to get myself as prepared for that as possible, so I'm continuing to run outside when the weather is nice, and continuing with my other cross-training and strength-training efforts.

As for ye olde weight loss update... I find myself at a bit of a standstill. Not cool. I've returned to the WW Good Health Guidelines and find that I'm doing pretty much everything recommended, so no help there. I'm continuing my workouts, but I think perhaps I need to start stepping these up? My other plan is to return to WW meetings. When I originally started on this plan, I went to the meetings for a while, but eventually ended up just using the online resources. Actually, I beat the odds with that, as I continued to lose a good amount of weight on my own without the accountability of the meetings to keep me in line. I'm not really that concerned with my accountability - this is not the reason for my return. I'm going to go back because I'm approaching, albeit slowly, the endpoint of my weight loss, and this last stretch is going to be HARD. I'm hoping to pick up whatever tips, tricks, and support I can from people who have reached their goal, and use this to fuel me through to finish what I've started. First meeting is tomorrow AM. Here we go.

Rise to the Occasion

This past Sunday, I participated in the Respiratory Health Association of Metropolitan Chicago's "Hustle Up the Hancock." This is an annual fundraising event for the foundation, where 4,000 participants climb their way up 94 flights of stairs to the Observatory deck in the Hancock Building.

Let's just be totally clear how high that is. We're talking about a 1,000ft vertical climb. That's 1,632 stairs. The oldest climber was 85(!!!), and the youngest was 6 years old. And what did YOU do with your Sunday?!

It was a pretty outstanding event. It's so empowering to see so many people coming together for a great cause. This event usually raises over $1,000,000 each year. There were people climbing who had lung transplants, as well as people climbing in memory of loved ones lost to respiratory disease.

The times ranged all over the place - fastest time this year was by a 40 year old man who ran it in 10:03. Let's be hones,t he's crazy.

And as for yours truly? I really didn't train specifically for the event, but I managed to put up a very respectable time of 20:14, and even managed to pass people along the way. When I began to climb, I had a fleeting thought that I'd never be able to make it to the top - the flights of stairs are largest at the bottom, and each flight was 20 stairs. But once I got a good, steady pace going, I charged on, and felt good when I was done.

What was more surprising (and encouraging) to me was that I wasn't sore the next day, either. I felt great. Looks like all this working out is getting me somewhere.

After my very early climb (6:45a, first wave), I made my way up to the observatory to watch the sun rise over Chicago and prepare for my day as a medical volunteer. We were prepared for the worst (as always), but it didn't come our way. Luckily, we only saw people with minor issues - lightheadedness that resolved, nausea, didn't eat breakfast that morning. I was glad to see that the event went off so smoothly.

Lots of marathon talk at Hustle Up the Hancock - both from the medical staffing point of view, and due to the large overlap in participants. Finding more people who are doing the race - many for the first time - and many of whom I'll be bugging to go running with me.

On the weight-loss front... well, it's been a frustrating month. I don't much feel like belaboring it, but my weight-loss is slowing as I approach goal, and it's frustrating. It's even been accompanied by a few weeks of weight gained rather than lost, but really I'm just vacillating around the same numbers. I know this is a plateau and I know that I will get through it ultimately because I'm doing all the right things. I just need to dig down deep and find the willpower to stay the course through this persistently annoying time. My ultimate goal is to have a normal BMI. But, as my ever-intelligent mother pointed out, BMI isn't always the best measurement for muscular people - and while I'm not exactly jacked, my muscle mass is way up from what it used to be, and I have to take that into account. Despite my losses being less than I'd like, things now fit me that never did before, and I'm noticing changes in my appearance. I think I need to let go of the scale a bit and try to see the forrest through the trees.

But now? It's March. And I'm gonna own March. Here's to a month of successes!

Motivation behind the Madness

What on earth possesses someone to want to run 26.2 miles? Especially if it's in a circle? I mean, if you're going to run that far, you should at least end up somewhere different than were you started, right?

It's estimated that somewhere between 0.1 and 2% of the world population has run a marathon. The statistics for Americans seem to be all over the boards, but still just a few percent of the population at the largest estimation, making marathon finishers an elite group.

To be absolutely clear, I did NOT choose to do the marathon to lose weight. If I wanted to shed pounds, a few miles here and there would likely get me to goal; no need for such an enormous undertaking. If I had to put into words what my motivation is, it's pretty simple: I'm running the marathon because there's a part of me that thinks I can't.

Counter intuitive? Perhaps. I mean, there's a part of me that that thinks I can't cure cancer (a HUGE part of me!) but I'm not necessarily motivated to spend my life in a lab striving for this goal. So why a marathon?

I find the mix of athletic prowess and mental strength to be really attractive. It's often said that running a marathon is more mental than physical. When you're a mile from your goal and tired, it's an absolute mental game to just push yourself for ten more minutes. Your physical training has prepared your body for the effort, but your mind is the last hurdle you need to overcome.

Clearly I'm one who thrives on challenges. I've submitted myself to some enormous mental challenges in the past and I've buckled down to push myself to study and learn what I need to. Trust me, I never wanted to sit and study for 15 hours at a time, but I knew I needed to. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to get through one more chapter, no matter how tired you are. So if I have the strength and drive to get myself to push through in this regard, is running one more mile any different?

I think it's all the same principle, to be honest... so when I look at a marathon like that, why can't I complete it? As enormously cheesy as it sounds, I'm a huge fan of The Biggest Loser, and at the end of each season, the final few contestants take on a marathon. I'm always in awe of these people, many of whom have lost over 100 pounds (and often much more), who in a few months time got themselves off the couch, and just started to change their life one day. And then they finish a marathon? What an amazing milestone.

We are planning on using a run/walk program. I've done a good amount of reading that supports first-time marathoners using this type of plan to prevent injuries and increase success. The phrase "it's not a sprint, it's a marathon" has a lot of validity - this is a five hour event and endurance is everything. I think using the run/walk strategy and forcing myself to take breaks early and often will help me succeed in the end. So when I say I'm going to "run" a marathon, maybe that's unfair, but I will be propelling my own body 26.3 miles towards a goal. I have very, very loose time goals in mind (like finish before the water stations are shut down!), but I'm not doing this to achieve some set pace or time. Complete, not compete.

If you've ever participated in a run/walk, bike ride, etc, you know it's a social event. Hundreds or thousands of people joining in an attempt to achieve one common goal. The excitement and drive is often palpable. I can't wait to join 40,000 other runners at the finish line and prove myself wrong.

Rejuvenation

It’s been almost two weeks since my previous post, but that’s not to say that I haven’t writing and re-writing my thoughts during that time. As I write this, I’m aboard a plane returning from Punta Cana, and my vacation is officially drawing to a close.

One thing I truly enjoyed about my reprieve – aside from plenty of warmth from the sun – was time to think. It sounds so silly… but I rarely sit and just allow myself to think and reflect, uninterrupted. It’s true that my mind is rarely (okay, never) still; my brain is chugging at impressive speeds up until the very second I fall asleep at night. And at times I’m particularly stressed or consumed with something, I often find myself dreaming about it, as if a reminder to attend to it the next day. But I spent a considerable amount of time over the last week just letting my thoughts travel to wherever they may go. Naturally, I have already planned my next (or perhaps next few…) vacations in my head. That’s no surprise. I also spent a good amount of time thinking about my family, friends, my relationships in my life in general; thinking about what goals I want to set for myself in the next few months, during residency, or even the next few years; thinking about where I might like to move to for the next stage of my life.

Predictably, a good portion of my time thinking and reflecting was devoted to my weight loss and my marathon goal. Before my departure, I struggled a lot with the idea of vacation and how it fit into my new lifestyle – I felt there was a range from “totally letting myself go” to “counting Weight Watchers Points,” and I just didn’t know exactly where to place myself on that continuum. What came of it was a bizarre mix. I have learned that you’ll never succeed at any dietary or lifestyle change if you don’t give yourself a break. You have to allow yourself to enjoy the things you love now and then, or you’ll never make it. Truth be told, I likely enjoyed too much, but in my heart of hearts, I do believe that for one week, it won’t kill me.

What bugged me a bit is that I saw how quickly I could jump back to old habits, especially eating too much of something because it tasted good. I also found myself struggling with something that’s been a thorn in my side for the duration of my journey. Let me explain it this way. I see myself having two little characters sitting on my shoulders, just like in cartoons. On one side, picture a fat, ruddy faced, yet terribly convincing devil in a bad costume. On the other, the proverbial “angel” who is healthy and fit, wearing shorts and a tank-top with skinny and fantastic arms that I am quite jealous of. Every day, I haggle with these two each time I decide to eat or exercise (or not to, as it were). I’ve become great at ignoring the bad advice of my little devil friend, but every now and then he still gets me. On the rare day that I fall off the wagon, the devil takes hold… and somehow it becomes an absolute free-for-all. I let the little devil convince me that if I’m going to be “bad” today, why not be REALLY bad? Unfortunately, the devil had a bit too much of a hold on me over vacation. I’ve got to admit that eating things I hadn’t had in a while tasted good… but when all was said and done, I didn’t feel all that great about myself. I’ve got to find a way to meet in the middle somehow – allow myself to splurge now and then, but to control it better. Needless to say, there won’t be a weigh-in for me this week, as I’ll give myself a little chance to recover from the damage. But after months of being on the straight and narrow (even over the holidays, for the most part), I think a week of indulgence is okay.

On the exercise front (after all, this blog was inspired by running!), I hit a bit of a snag. I was so excited to get to the warm weather – I of course brought my workout clothes, my running shoes, and an iPod filled with songs to fuel me as I went for long morning runs. Hate to say it, but Chicago isn’t exactly the best place to run outside these days, and I just wanted to enjoy the week of warmth and the opportunity to be outdoors. But as luck (or lack of luck) may have it, I came down with a viral head cold the day I landed in the DR, and found myself wheezing on and off for the duration of my stay. Alas, no running for me. I took the opportunity to rest and get better.

I find myself eager to get back to my routines and start working out again. Hustle Up the Hancock is just two weeks away, so I better start adding that stair mill back into my routine! Among the rest of my thinking time, I’ve also formulated a post on my reason and drive for running the marathon, which will be coming soon.

So, from start to finish it was a wonderful and much needed vacation. I feel emotionally, mentally, and physically rested and rejuvenated. One more day of vacation before I have to get back to reality, but I find myself excited about my new-found energy and eager to get right back at it. You know I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Year of "I can"

morbid (adj):
1. (a) of, relating to, or characteristic of disease
(b) affected with or induced by disease
(c) productive of disease


This is a term we use all the time in medicine. Even the public uses it, as we are well aware of the increase in and impact of morbid obesity on our society. Not exactly a term I've ever wanted as a self-descriptor, but I have to be honest with myself. Though my body mass index never fell into the "morbid obesity" category (>40), I was certainly knocking on its door with a BMI of 38.1 at my heaviest when I graduated college.

Yikes.

It's a scary thought - a 22 year old with so much excess weight that she's almost morbidly obese. I was on a downhill slide with no signs of stopping.

One thing medicine has taught me: Morbidity ---> Mortality.

Not for this girl, not now. I'm proud to say that a lot has changed in 4 years. Not just my weight, but my mindset and my lifestyle. I stand (er, sit) before you 70lbs lighter than my college graduation, and on my journey to (and approaching!) my goal weight. I'm healthier, happier, and feeling better than I ever have before.

I'm not writing any of this in search of congrats or encouragement; in some ways, I think I need to put this down in writing; to admit where I've been, what I've done, and where I plan on going. I was enormously overweight, and even today - 70lbs thinner - my BMI STILL places me in an overweight category. Every day I see people who suffer from obesity; I see heart attacks in 30 and 40 year olds, amputations from diabetic complications, and children losing their parents to obesity and its sequelae. So I made a resolution that this would never be me. And I'm sticking to it.

I never thought I'd be able to lose 70lbs, let alone my ultimate goal of 90. But, I'm deeming 2011 the year of turning "I can't" into "I can." Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that we are all capable of amazing things if we put our minds to it.

And so today, February 1, 2011, I've taken this to a whole new level: I have signed up to run the Bank of America Chicago Marathon on October 9, 2011. And now I've put it on the internet for all to see... to hold myself accountable and to fuel me forward.

26.2 miles - am I nuts?!

I can do this, and I will. This blog is going to serve as an outlet and a record of my journey to the finish line, and I invite you to read it and follow along as I attain a life goal.

249 days to go. Let's get busy.